Tuesday, November 4, 2008

The Flight of the salmon

Attempting to leave town on Friday, the day of the Phillies parade, was much like a salmon swimming upstream, against the current. I felt I was battling ages and ages of tradition and at one point thought it would be easier just to join the revelling masses. However, much like a determined salmon, I got the hell out of Philadelphia, and after viewing the sea of Ugg-clad girls in sweatpants and Phillies gear with their drunkard loser boyfriends I couldn't have been happier with my decision to head upstream.
When they won the World Series, I was in my living room, alone, surrounded by the yelps of a million fans. Minutes later, Broad Street was flooded with hundreds of thousands of ignorant fans, looting stores and toppling shrubbery. Why the destruction, Philly fans? Is this the way you show love for your city and your team. I've never understood this whole sports thing. Why does one think that some guy who was not born in Philadelphia and is making millions more per year than most do in a lifetime, is doing this for them? But what I really don't understand is why they had to topple and uproot my favorite statue in the city, the man with the umbrella, and why they felt the need to loot businesses.
I'm not on board with this whole revelry, this spirit of destruction. But if there is one thing that will make the world notice Philadelphia, I guess this was it. Thanks a lot. The Phillies team may be world champions, but its fans are a whole bunch of losers.

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